I Believe in Me

This week has not quite gone my way .... I was turned away from donating plasma (hoping for Christmas money ) because I had some glow in the dark speck on my nail. They said it was probably liquid laundry detergent ... Go figure ... I get punished for doing my wash;) 

 I went out on a limb at work and met with the "top dog" and tried to prove to him that we as surgical MAs deserve more money ... It was scary , and empowering all at the same time . I felt like I have him several valid reasons for the pay increase ... But so far ... Nothing .... And to top it off they gave us the increase of our Health Insurance Cost for next year , and I thought I couldn't afford it already ... Now I really can't ! 

It's so frustrating to work somewhere that does not see the value in loyalty and work ethic. ( the clinic not the physician I work for ) 

 So needless to say , I need more money ... And I think going back to school is the only way I'm going to be able to support myself and my kids . I am nervous because I felt like I already did school to "become " something that would give me a career , but unfortunately that's not the case . So back to the drawing board, and this time I'm aiming much higher and going for my dreams.

 I know that I am my own worst enemy , so I need to change my attitude and outlook and start being my biggest cheerleader instead . I have such an amazing support system around me , and there is no time like the present to go for it right? 

 So this next week will be full of meeting with schools and figuring out my next path... Wish me luck ! I'm going to need it! 

Keeping my head up.....

Today is another day where I just have to laugh at the situation I'm in so I dont drown in my own tears . 

Dating is rough ... It's hard to continue to put yourself , your story , your feelings and your heart out there . It's hard to be rejected and it's hard not being able to find someone you connect with on multiple levels . I know live finds you when you're not looking for it , but yet you have to keep yourself "out there " somehow . 

I am a lover and a dreamer and have a very tender heart.I tend to see the best in people and am so quick to paint a story on my head of my future . 

I don't want to be alone forever , but 3 kids is a lot to ask of someone to take on,  and I think that's where my struggle really lies. My kids are more important to me than finding someone to love me ... And if they don't want them as well ,then they don't really want me . 

The right guy is out there somewhere ... I just need to be patient . So instead of being sad and discouraged I just need to "laugh through my pain ..."

I am healthy , I have a family I love and adore and friends who I couldn't imagine life without. 

Tomorrow is a new day ....  I will just focus on trying to be kind in a mean world and allow humor to lift the burden of my heavy heart. 

Onward and Upward

As I lay here snuggled in a blanket with my 3 crazy boys around me .... My loyal and sweet dog is at our feet and the random cat and her 7 kittens are all cozy as well. In this moment I am so happy. 

 Life has thrown many curve balls my way ... I have never cried more than I have in the past year , but when I stop and think about I have never been as grateful for those tears. 

 I am a different person then I was before the divorce . I am stronger , I am wiser and I am a better mother .

I have a new appreciation for marriage and for healthy relationships . I am so blessed to have such an amazing family who have helped me in so many ways . Not only emotionally but physically and financially . 

I have had my faith tested , some friendships tested and I now know who I am and what I believe in . I believe in honesty and trust and am no longer letting guilt or fear of confrontation control me anymore . I have found my voice , and my purpose and I am excited for my future . 

I have so many great examples of strong independent women in my life and that's what I am striving to be. Raising three boys is a lot of work and there are days I want to pull my hair out , but I wouldn't trade it for anything . 

I am happy , I am heathy , and I am proud of the person I am . 

No looking back .... It's all up from here . 

"The past is the past and we must live in the present to survive the future" 

Happy Tuesday

Well it's 4 a.m. And why am I awake you ask? 

Well I woke up because I heard Taggart get up and change his clothes... I knew what that meant ... He had an accident... So I hesitantly feel the sheets next to me :( yep I was right . Luckily I was not wet

 ( yes that has happened before ) and it wasn't that bad...So I got up and to get a towel and went to see where Tag had went ... Well here's what I found 

Taggart has always been a snuggle bug and likes to sleep right next to someone ... Hunter is only allowing it because he's already asleep ;) 

So after that I throw the towel over the wet spot ( yes I'm that lazy plus Kole is asleep still in the bed ) and as I go to climb in on the opposite side I hear a Big Bang and my bed frame falls off of the risers I have it on .... Yep .. So one side of the bed is on the ground and it's too heavy and too much work to do alone .... So now I am laying on the couch ... My bed is broken and wet from pee ... This is my reality . 

Happy Tuesday .