"When you wish upon a star"

This quote describes me in so many ways ... I am a wisher , a lover of quotes and songs ... And believe that I deserve the best and am willing to be patient and work hard to get it . The one thing that I disagree with though is the wasted wishes ...even though not everything we "want" or wish for turns out to be what we thought it would does not mean it was a waste of a wish ... Or effort ... It taught us something... It made us stronger , smarter , bolder and sometimes those missed wishes are because we are destined for something greater .... 

Listening to my brother speak in sacrament today I realized that if we want something ... We have to work for it . We will never learn unless we are trying , and we will never succeed if we wait to be given the prize . 

I am so proud of him and the man he has become . He is such a great example to our family and is so full of life and love. He's funny and handsome and has a testimony if the church . He is chosing to serve The Lord for all the right reasons and I cannot wait to hear all the things he learns along the way. 

Even though I am older than him I look up to him for so many reasons . He doesn't judge , he's a friend to all .. And he has a big heart. I am proud to call him my brother . I love you Huck .... Thank you for always being there for me . My boys love you so much and they are your biggest fans. 

Here we go again....

All the kids were in their rooms watching a movie so I saw it as the perfect opportunity to take a relaxing bath.... THE SECOND I step my foot in the water ..... It all begins .... 

It's like I set off an alarm ..!!! Alert alert your mother is about to do something for herself!!!

Within minutes , Kole is invading my bath and insisting on playing cars in the water. 

Taggart is hungry and is rolling around in the hall whining .... Then to top it all off Hunter needs to take a crap.... Yep, a crap. Remember we have 1 bathroom ... So instead of smelling the relaxing lavendar oils I put in the bath ... I get to smell him:) 

All I can do is laugh while plugging my nose:) 

It could be worse ... Right? 

Seriously someone tell me a worse sinerio ;) 

The life of a mother is not always a glamorous one , but I'm always entertained . 

"Depends" on how you look at it...

I guess you can say I really get into my work.... After spilling formalin all over myself by accident I had only a few options ...

 Scrubs were easy to find but underwear , not so easy... But then , I remembered that we had adult diapers . I could've went commando but that just wasn't as funny (and kinda gross in a work environment ) so on the diaper went .... You could hear me coming (swishing ) from a mile away ... My butt was even larger than normal ... And it just was bit very comfortable . 

But it made us all laugh and made me sympathetic for all those people that have to actually wear these things!!! 

So like I said ... It "depends " on how you look at it. Yes I looked ridiculous but it made me laugh ... And that's all that matters . :) plus ... Nascar drivers wear them!!!!

Believe

Well.... I survived another Monday . I have so much to be grateful for , my kids , my family , my friends , my job. I am alive and only semi old, my body is in ok condition (notice I didnt say shape) and I can still laugh. 

Laughing is the only way I know things are going to be ok. If there ever comes a day when someone cannot make me laugh then I will know I'm surely dead. 

I think I may not have grieved my divorce properly because for some reason I feel like I am feeling all those emotions now. I feel like I was trying so hard to be strong for my kids and keep myself busy ... That I think I forgot to just let myself be sad. Divorce is like a death , you lose something and someone ... It takes a piece if you with it and I'm feeling that void now. 

I know that I will be ok and that I will survive , I feel my kids are happy and have accepted their new "reality". I think now that I am not so worried about them it has finally sunk in how sad I really am. 

I know it was for the best .. It's just still hard to swallow. 8 years of marriage is a long time ... 10 years of loving someone is hard to accept that it was all over . 

But it is ... And I'm alive ... Even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. 

But I believe something wonderful is going to happen ... Someday ;) 

But until then I'll just keep laughing through life ...

Music to my ears

If there was one talent I wish I possessed it would be musical talent . I wish I could just play the piano or guitar and sing .... I think music has an incredible healing power and I can only imagine the power actually playing the instrument and not just pressing play would have on me ... Today I wanted to just throw in the towel , quit, run away, just go back to bed . I couldn't stop the tears ... I let myself have a total pitty party. I let all my hurt , my disappointments , my frustration and my anger all come to the surface . The main reason I was able to do that was because of music . Certain songs brought up different emotions , some songs felt like they were written just for me which gave me comfort knowing that someone out there knows how I feel. Life  is hard , I hate the unknown , I just want to press fast forward and find my happiness again . I know it's possible ... I just couldn't fake a smile today and that's ok ,.. It will be back tomorrow ... I think I needed today ... 

Never cry over spilled milk

They always say , never cry over spilled milk... But today 3 broken eggs sent me into tears .

 I had this whole plan to wake up with a positive attitude  but I guess those vibes slept in .... You know the Shania Twain song "Man I feel like a Woman?" Well it's that kind of day .... 

I am determined to turn it around somehow ... I usually turn to food when I'm feeling this way , but am going to try taking a walk (without the cat this time) ... 

Wish me luck again haha 

"Try a little harder to be a little better "

I am guilty of each night running through my quick "thank you" list in my prayers and on to my questions and concerns .... I believe that our Heavenly Father hears us and grants us the blessings he sees fit. I find comfort in the scripture Proverbs 3:5-6"Trust in The Lord with all thine heart and lean not onto thine own understanding . In all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths" 

This path I'm on has been pretty rough,I know he has a plan for me and I have faith that he is directing me through my trials and blessings . 

I'm going to try to look more at the positive side of things and rely on my faith , family and friends to help keep me hopeful . :) I'm sure we could all "try a little harder to be a little better " gbh 

And that's what I intend to do ! 

Xoxoxo -Whit

Smile

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying? 

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying? 

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

We went on a little family walk and that dang cat had to join us :) seriously this cat is not normal . I can only imagine the looks we got walking down the road with 3 boys a dog and then a cat.... Let's just say it was a short walk , too many people to keep out of the road ... Oh and couldn't get a pic that we all looked cute in .. That is chocolate pop tart on Kole and Taggarts faces ! 

The reason I posted this song is because today has been a hard day to smile .... But having my boys with me makes everything better . 

Expectations

I have been struggling with this so much in my life .... I am always getting my hopes up just to be let down. But what I have realized is that I set my expectations  too high ... I get ahead of myself , I put too much into some things and I get my feelings involved too quickly .... So I am really going to focus on setting realistic goals on things that I have control of , I cannot change the way people feel about me , I can't make someone want to be with me but I can work on being happy with myself .... Dating nowadays is waaaaayyyy different than it was 10 years ago . I think I'm going to have to buy and read "he's just not that into you" so I can help myself stay away from trouble :) wish me luck ... I may just be alone forever . 

We may not have it all together ...

So I survived another event that we as mothers all dread.... Not childbirth , not "that time of the month " or even sick children .... I survived FAMILY PICTURES! 

 I like most of us spent so much time trying to find the perfect outfit , shoes , hair , location. Blah blah blah 

Well the day finally arrived yesterday and getting myself ready was only 1/4 of the battle .... Chasing around 3 little boys and trying not to let them get dirty while trying to convince 3 adult brothers if mine that yes they did need to participate , all while trying not to sweat off my makeup. 

Somehow we pulled it together and besides Kole being a cry baby and Taggart being obsessed with smashing leaves and Hunter grasshopper hunting ... I think things went quite well. After it was all over I just had a huge sense of relief. We did it. 

    I want to admit that earlier that day I was pretty upset. I was sad because this was the first Family picture without Matt...  It was one of those Reality checks , this was my reality ... Just me and my boys. 

Well after the pics were done I just couldn't help but feel sooooo much better. I have such an amazing , kind and funny family who love me and my kids so much . They help me and help pick up the slack and I will never forget that. I am so proud of being a mother to my sweet boys and love that they are mine . 

I think we all put so much emphasis on what the picture looks like rather than who's in it with us. We planned these pictures because my brother Hudson is leaving on his mission... We felt like we had to do it. But what a treasure it will be for our future children and grandchildren to see where their family tree began . 

I love taking pictures ( those that know me know that ) I love them because they capture a moment ... Whenever you look at them it brings back that very emotion that you felt when it was taken . I hope that dork now on I can view family pictures like that as well.... Although my little family isn't "traditional" or what I would have planned for myself, it's mine and I'm proud . 

So although I felt like it may look like something was missing I realized that the only thing missing was me enjoying the moment . 

The kids might be crying , my hair might have looked weird... But at the end of the day that's my life .... "We may not have it all together but together we have it all" 

So to all you other parents out there stressing about getting the perfect portrait hopefully you remember what's most important is who you are in it with :) 

Ps a big shoutout to Shannon Elizabeth Photography for making the experience that much more memorable :) she is amazing at what she does and I can't wait to see them !!! 

Embrace Your Imperfections

I think we all struggle with something we don't like about ourselves physically . I'm sure we all have things that if given the chance we would change. I was watching tv and it was showing people that are obsessed with plastic surgery , it got me thinking about what I would change about myself and the sad part was it wasn't hard at all for me to start spouting off things I was unhappy with..... Take the fat from here and tuck this there ... Contour this and fill out that... I started to feel like if I could change almost everything then I would. One thing that I feel is getting worse and bothers me in pictures for sure are my "smile lines" around my eyes . I can't hide those under a pair of spanx or go a size up ... Everyone sees your face and I felt like mine had some major flaws . So I got onto Pinterest (duh) and started looking for ways to get rid of those dang crows feet that I am waaaayyy too young to have ;) As I scrolled through the pics I saw a quote that caught my wrinkly eye...

It hit me so hard. I just felt like it was exactly what I needed to see... I would like to think that I've smiled a lot in my life ... Laughing is my favorite and I guess I have the proof on my face :) It also made me think about the other things I don't like about myself ... My cheeks although huge and chipmunk like are one of the things people say make me look youthful (which I will appreciate more as time goes on) . My huge wrinkled forehead although not my best feature is something I inherited from my Grandpa Wells who I love and miss so much ... My stretch marks are from becoming a mother to 3 beautiful boys who I love more than anything . My big butt and legs are one of the only things I share in common with my mom and sister ;) so I will embrace them as well.

Now I'm not saying that self improvement is bad , I know I could use some serious exercise , but my point is to love the things that make you YOU! It's easier said than done but I believe it's all in the way you look at life ... You can chose to be positive and lead with a positive attitude , or you can be your own hurdle and focus in the negative . I personally am going to strive to put my best foot forward and focus on the good and the blessings I have in my life. I am healthy I am kind and I have a genuine smile that has created lines to prove it!!!!!! I am beautiful because I am happy and happy girls are the prettiest 💋

Patience is a Virtue

I cannot even express how perfect this quote is to me right now ... I struggle so much with being patient . I am very impulsive , I know what I want and if I see it I go for it. Now sometimes that's a good quality but in some ways it's bad . I have had many "regretful purchases " because in the moment I felt it was the coolest thing ever and then realize later I paid too much or actually didn't even need it. Sometimes being impulsive helps me make a fool of myself , I don't get embarrassed easily and will do almost anything to make people laugh, but once again that can lead to those moments of "did I really do that?" Haha ... I like every mother struggle with patience with my kids. I would like to think I do pretty good considering how crazy 3 boys can be , but I can definitely improve in that area. I do know that I'm in no hurry for them to grow up and I try to just love them being little:) 

The thing I struggle most with being patient about is just finding stability and love again. I have been "alone" for over a year now and I still feel like at times I am no further in life . I know being 28 I shouldn't be having such a hard time adapting to life on my own but since I got married so young I have always had someone to lean on and depend on . So this year has really taught me to be more responsible , more independent and smarter about decisions I make . I am a dreamer and a wisher and always wonder where I'll be in 5 years ... Have I met my future husband ? Does he even exist? Will I always struggle with money? Will I ever have more children? Those along with 4500000 more questions go through my mind daily... My goal is to obviously be a great mother and raise them to be gentlemen and successful in life , but I also know that one day they will grow up and find wives and lives of their own . I know that I don't want to wait until they are gone to find someone to share my life with. I want a relationship with someone I can grow old with, who loves me and cherishes me . So that being said I'm sure you see my dilemma with being patient:) but like the quote said , I have learned sooooo much about myself through this process , I have realized so many things about what I do and don't want in life and what I want I'm a partner . I believe that I am a better stronger and more intelligent woman because of the trials I've been through. I believe I will be a better wife if that ever happens because of what I've learned. Love is something I will never take for granted again , I know that patience is the only way I can achieve this goal .. I'm thankful for loving friends and family that help keep me company and let me know when I'm rushing into things :) I am excited and anxious for my "future " but am trying to enjoy and learn from the process.... After all , you can't rush something you want to last forever, and a forever love  is exactly what I want. 

So ............Mr. Perfect hurry up and find me ;) hahah 

no seriously I am making a goal to just focus on improving myself and hopefully when the time is right everything will fall in place . Fingers crossed .:) 

Tinder-Ella

This my friends is what the dating pool looks like .... So if you are thinking the grass is greener ... Think again. 

I decided to recreate my favorite ones ... 

I still don't understand why I'm single ;) 

Sick mommy

I happen to believe that being sick when you are a mother should be against the law. :) That should especially be true if your kids are sick at the same time .... We have been fighting a little bug in our home since Tuesday night ... And it has found it's way to me .... I just want to crawl into bed and never come out until I'm better . But no... I had to get my fat butt out of bed and go to work ... My nose did the cute thing where it's so stuffy and then suddenly out if no where starts dripping like a fauset. Well I had no tissues so I do what every amazing mother does ... I grab the first thing I can find which happened to be a sock . So that's what I used . It's a snot sock now... I'm actually considering using all my "single socks " as my new tissues ... They are soft and actually work quite well! You are welcome I'm advance for this brilliant idea ... Save a tree ... Use a snot sock! 

Parenting Fail

I love the "just girly things" parodys ... And apparently my PARENTING FAIL makes a perfect one. I took the boys pics one day and when I looked back at them later I found this little gem :) I guess Taggart thinks that is a funny pose .... I'm in trouble .... :) 

Is today over yet?

So today has just been one of "those days". I was up all night with my oldest who couldn't breathe ....( freaking asthma) Then had to get up and go to work ... Then had to take Taggart to get new glasses ... Yes new glasses... This is the 3rd pair. I swear they need to invent glasses for kids made of rubber but at least he looks cute ...

.. By the end of that appointment and 100$ later I was  struggling to keep my eyes open ... My tank was completely empty both physically and literally my gas tank was 5 miles to empty ... So I go to the gas station and you know what they say "if you take a kid to 7-11 you're going to have to buy him a slurpee" ... Taggart insisted on getting his own and succeeded to drop it on the floor ... I cleaned it up and decided that if I was going to make it one more minute an adult beverage was in order .... No not that kind ... A Big Gulp full of Mountain Dew Solar Plane ....

Trust me the calories were worth it ... So then it was off to wash the car and vacuum it out then off to get the other two boys . We get to my moms and I have to drag them all home ... At this point I'm ready for bed but it's only 6. Nothing planned for dinner so I picked up some orange chicken ( Hunters favorite ) and finally was able to sit down and throw a pity party for myself as I ate enough ham fried rice to feed an army of sumo wrestlers .... Thoughts went through my head like " it's not fair ... I don't have just $100 to spend on glasses ... I'm tired and want to go to bed ... No one loves me but this stupid creepy cat... Cat rhymes with fat which reminds me that I'm unhappy with my weight ( couldn't be the rice and Mountain Dew ) and just the constant yelling of Share! Don't Hit! Say your Sorry! .... Well after dinner was done ( and no it's not cleaned up) I got the kids into jammies and into bed... Ok not exactly but they are in their rooms playing ... And I thought I would take the opportunity to take a bath ... Well that lasted 2 seconds ... 

I can't do anything alone .... And yes I use Suave shampoo and conditioner and yes they only cost $2.88 ...and did you also spy Daisy laying there ... She follows me everywhere too .. So I get out of the tub and get all cozy... But the only thing missing is someone to cuddle with and have a grown up conversation about my day , my frustrations and issues ... Someone I could listen to and make smile ... Someone who likes when I get whiny and likes to play with my hair .... Well that someone isn't here and I don't see anyone that fits that description around ... So I guess I'll just have to invest in one of these...hahaha

So the moral of this story is not to make me look pathetic and ungrateful but to show that at the end if the day we all want the same things... To love and be loved in return ... So hug Your kids , your husband , your boyfriend or girlfriend or even your dog or cat a little tighter tonight. I'm lucky to have 3 little boys that love me and accept me for who I am and even though I am limited they think I can do anything I want and give them anything they need. I have friends and family who love me and make me laugh and how I'm feeling today is just part of life as a mother ..." Remember just because today is a bad day it doesn't mean you have a bad life "

To end on a funny note ... I did realize today that there is not only an Ontario Canada but also an Ontario California ... So don't get confused and start bashing Canadian healthcare when they were talking about Cali instead :) 

Happy Hump Day everyone! ✌️& ❤️

What can I say? Animals love me ...

This cat showed up out of no where... The kids fed her so now she's ours. I was fine with it until she started using the doggie door and comes inside . She was obviously someone's pet because she climbs right up on me .... I'm not thrilled as you can tell by my face  .. But I guess we have a new pet :(  

Birthday cake FAIL

So I , like very good mother had an entire Pinterest board dedicated to Taggarts 6th birthday.... I had a cake picked out to make , decorations to do ... The perfect snacks that went along with the theme ... And then real life happened . The day of the birthday came... All a dollar was out of helium so I could only get the balloons they had already blown up ( not the perfect green ones from Pinterest that I needed to transform into floating minecraft thingys) ... I bought this awesome camo cake mix and figured bright organge frosting would look awesome! I went to my moms and started the baking... The cake turned out better than I thought. My lovely assistant Danielle was there to help and we started the decorating process.... Now she and I have created some pretty amazing cakes and some not so amazing .... Well as we started to color the frosting we could only get it to look like fry sauce and not "Hunting vest orange" so on went the fry sauce/ sherbet colored icing... Well that looked like crap.. I thought maybe we could make the frosting look like camo instead! So on went the dark and light greens and tans... Well that still looked like crap. So then I added sprinkles and other Candy to try and help.... Still crappy...finally we just got desperate and wrapped cheese sticks in tin foil to make cubes and tied red candles together for dinomite ... Made his name out if m&ms and called Taggart over to see it . His words were priceless .... I asked what he thought of his awesome MINECRAFT cake and he said " I don't really see any real characters or anything but I can tell you used your imagination and I love it:)" That was all I needed to hear. As ugly as it was it tasted delicious and even though his birthday was not photographed professionally nor "pintrest worthy " he loved it and that's all that matters ! 

As much as I love that we all want what's best for our kids and want them to have magical days I think we all have to admit that we also want to impress our family and friends and show off our hard work ... Trust me I do it all the time ... But maybe if we all just took the time that we spent planning the perfect party with every little perfect detail and just spent that time creating something they'll actually appreciate like our time and attention we would all be a little less stressed and a little more blessed   :) 

I also got green mustache and fingers from my awesome decorating skills. 

Living with 3 BOYS

I know there are so many moms out there who share this very same title. A mother of boys has a very different life than a mother of 3 girls .... Both have different struggles ... Both have different blessings ... But the only one I can talk about is BOYS BOYS BOYS. 

When I dreamed about having children I will admit that the 3 boy sinerio never crossed my mind. I grew up as a dancer with tea parties and tutus and couldn't wait to have a daughter to share that with . Well... That obviously didn't happen EXACTLY like I had thought ... But we still dance , we still have tea parties ... And instead of tutus we have light sabers. 

I am just programmed to wipe off the toilet seat before I sit down and have learned to throw and hit a ball. 

Boys are soooo busy and wrestling is a form of playing. But they are lovey and cuddly and tell me I'm beautiful. They play with my hair and make me proud every day. 

When my divorce happened I was so worried about being able to handle them all on my own ... I know I'm a good mom but wasn't sure how to be both roles when they were with me. I struggle with discipline and I'll admit ... It's hard to not have anyone come home and help out. I'm still learning and still having my weak points and hard days . But I'm happy to say that I finally feel confident in saying that I am a great mother because I never stop trying to improve. 

I am lucky to have an ex husband who loves the boys and is always there for them. Coparenting isn't easy , it would be much easier to get divorced and never have to see that person again ... But in out situation we have to stay on good terms and continue to communicate . That's what's best for the boys and so that's what we will always strive to do. It's been hard to watch my ex move on and move him and my boys into a home with his girlfriend . I will admit that I was worried that she would take my place or that the boys would feel a sense of "normal family" there and lacking something in my home . But I have had to remind myself that I will always be their mother and they know that I love them. That's all I can do. I cannot compete with them or worry about finding ways to keep it equal. I have no control over how my ex lives his life , all I can do is do what's best for our kids and that's for their parents to get along. Thats another topic I plan on discussing on this blog . Coparenting is so difficult and a topic that I wish more people would show the positives about. I wouldn't have my kids without their dad ... They need us both and we need eachother to raise them. I hope that one day I can find a man I love and that loves me and my boys ... But until then I'll play both roles when they are with me and try my hardest to do my best. 

So although my house is full of trucks , balls (no pun intended ) and Star Wars toys ...it's also full of love and laughter and I wouldn't have it any other way ! 

"Camp out"

So my sister and I decided to have a camp out in a tent with the boys. No we didn't get a campground or anything like that ... We just went in the backyard . We started setting up a little late (ok really late) so it was already dark before we got started. I wanted the boys to learn how to set up a rent but they wanted nothing to do with it and just ran around like crazy animals. After we got it all set up we realized that we did not have the tarp that goes over the top..... But we figured if it rained we would just go inside . After we shoved the two air mattresses in (ya we are did not sleep on the ground ) and got all the blankets situated ... In we climed. We pulled out the flashlight and attempted to do shadow puppets ... Then Taggart started to tell us "stories" . This went on for about an hour ... The story was basically the same , just the characters names changed. I was done . So I said "lights out" . The kids all whined As we turned off the flashlight .... But it did not get dark. The moonlight lit up the whole tent and we could see perfectly. Soooo that didn't work. :) I ended up having to take the baby inside to sleep with grandma .. And my sister had to tell the other two that the first one asleep wins a prize . After I got the baby to sleep I ventured back out to the "wilderness". By this point it was 1:00 in the morning... And I was exhausted . Well around 3:00 I was awakened by a the sound of the tent flapping around. The wind gut stronger and stronger and I couldn't take it anymore .... So in we went. So our night ended with us all inside sleeping on the couches .... At least we tried right?   

LAUGHING THROUGH LIFE

So. A few weeks ago I was at " Park Silly" an outdoor farmers market in Park City . I was walking through the cute little booths and then I saw one that said "Palm & Tarot Reading" . I have always wanted it have mine done, my Grandma Carmen used to do cards so I have always been interested in what mine would say. The last time I had my palm read ( in California) it was not such a positive experience ..... Soooo I was a little nervous. Anyways .... She proceeded to tell me all kind of things about me , my personality , my past , my future and I must say she was SPOT ON!  One thing that stuck out to me was that she told me that I have a gift for writing and that I needed to make it a career . I have always enjoyed writing poetry and never had a problem writing down things but I had no idea what I could do to make it a career. I currently work in the medical field so writing really doesn't fit in there. But then I thought that I could use my life experiences as a newly single mother to hopefully bring some laughter and reality to this "blogging world". I see so many that cater to crafters , decorators , fashion, hair etc. But where are the ones that make us laugh? I personally love to laugh and think that we all can all find humor and sympathize with each others trials. I just want to be able to show my journey as I learn to find my way in this new adventure . I really have no idea what this blog will actually turn into, but for now .... It's just a way to LAUGH THROUGH LIFE .