Resolutions

Even though it's not quite 2015.... I've decided to write down my goals and resolutions for the new year. Maybe by sharing with others it will help me commit to them long term ;) 

So here it goes ... My list of "improvements and goals for 2015"

1. Enroll in school

* I have made the decision to go back to school to persue my RN ... I am nervous but excited to be a student again and work toward a real career in medicine . I know I have what it takes .. Just hope I can find the time and stay balanced with work , school and the kids :) 

2. Drink more water

* I'm not going to say "lose weight " because that is too broad of a statement . I am just going to strive to be more healthy and I know one small thing I could start with is drinking more water . 

3. Cooking Dinner 

* I am guilty of picking up Little Caesars pizza on the way home from work or doing spaghetti or something else quick and easy when the boys are with me ... But I am going to make a goal to cook a REAL dinner at least 3 times a week .

4. Be better to ME 

* I would like to think I am a good friend , person and mother , but sometimes I put my feelings, emotions and well being last on the list. I am going to strive to take at least 30 min. of "Me time " a day... Whether o spend it in the tub relaxing , or exercising , or just watching my favorite show ... I am going to take a few minutes for myself to hopefully keep my sanity. Also I'm going to try and eliminate my negative "self talk " :) 

5. QUALITY TIME with each kid

* I am only one person which makes it very hard to give 3 kids each undivided attention when they are home ... I do try but I'm going to make a goal to do at least one "one on one " activity with each boy every month and at least 20 min of "their time " every day ... It will probably come down to a bedtime routine but I really want to work on that. 

So those are my 5 top goals and resolutions for 2015. It's going to be a great year full of new challenges and hopefully new rewards .... I am excited and ready for the journey! 

Validation

Being a woman in this day and age is hard . All women have faced challenges with the need to feel "validated " by others . By their peers , by men , by society and even family . We all feel inadequate in some way , whether it be financial success or weight or looks .. Our mothering abilities , our marital status , whatever it is there are so many women struggling with the same things and if we would just openly talk about our fears and worries we would realize how powerful we really are . My goal for 2015 is to strive to not seek validation from any any unworthy sources . I am going to strive to be my best self and do things only if I feel like they genuinely make me a better person , not a more popular one. It's going to be hard , I am a pleaser and a follower and always comparing , but it's a change I need to make of I'm going to conquer the goals I have for myself and my future .... Watch out world . I'm coming for ya! 

I Believe in Me

This week has not quite gone my way .... I was turned away from donating plasma (hoping for Christmas money ) because I had some glow in the dark speck on my nail. They said it was probably liquid laundry detergent ... Go figure ... I get punished for doing my wash;) 

 I went out on a limb at work and met with the "top dog" and tried to prove to him that we as surgical MAs deserve more money ... It was scary , and empowering all at the same time . I felt like I have him several valid reasons for the pay increase ... But so far ... Nothing .... And to top it off they gave us the increase of our Health Insurance Cost for next year , and I thought I couldn't afford it already ... Now I really can't ! 

It's so frustrating to work somewhere that does not see the value in loyalty and work ethic. ( the clinic not the physician I work for ) 

 So needless to say , I need more money ... And I think going back to school is the only way I'm going to be able to support myself and my kids . I am nervous because I felt like I already did school to "become " something that would give me a career , but unfortunately that's not the case . So back to the drawing board, and this time I'm aiming much higher and going for my dreams.

 I know that I am my own worst enemy , so I need to change my attitude and outlook and start being my biggest cheerleader instead . I have such an amazing support system around me , and there is no time like the present to go for it right? 

 So this next week will be full of meeting with schools and figuring out my next path... Wish me luck ! I'm going to need it! 

Keeping my head up.....

Today is another day where I just have to laugh at the situation I'm in so I dont drown in my own tears . 

Dating is rough ... It's hard to continue to put yourself , your story , your feelings and your heart out there . It's hard to be rejected and it's hard not being able to find someone you connect with on multiple levels . I know live finds you when you're not looking for it , but yet you have to keep yourself "out there " somehow . 

I am a lover and a dreamer and have a very tender heart.I tend to see the best in people and am so quick to paint a story on my head of my future . 

I don't want to be alone forever , but 3 kids is a lot to ask of someone to take on,  and I think that's where my struggle really lies. My kids are more important to me than finding someone to love me ... And if they don't want them as well ,then they don't really want me . 

The right guy is out there somewhere ... I just need to be patient . So instead of being sad and discouraged I just need to "laugh through my pain ..."

I am healthy , I have a family I love and adore and friends who I couldn't imagine life without. 

Tomorrow is a new day ....  I will just focus on trying to be kind in a mean world and allow humor to lift the burden of my heavy heart. 

Onward and Upward

As I lay here snuggled in a blanket with my 3 crazy boys around me .... My loyal and sweet dog is at our feet and the random cat and her 7 kittens are all cozy as well. In this moment I am so happy. 

 Life has thrown many curve balls my way ... I have never cried more than I have in the past year , but when I stop and think about I have never been as grateful for those tears. 

 I am a different person then I was before the divorce . I am stronger , I am wiser and I am a better mother .

I have a new appreciation for marriage and for healthy relationships . I am so blessed to have such an amazing family who have helped me in so many ways . Not only emotionally but physically and financially . 

I have had my faith tested , some friendships tested and I now know who I am and what I believe in . I believe in honesty and trust and am no longer letting guilt or fear of confrontation control me anymore . I have found my voice , and my purpose and I am excited for my future . 

I have so many great examples of strong independent women in my life and that's what I am striving to be. Raising three boys is a lot of work and there are days I want to pull my hair out , but I wouldn't trade it for anything . 

I am happy , I am heathy , and I am proud of the person I am . 

No looking back .... It's all up from here . 

"The past is the past and we must live in the present to survive the future" 

Happy Tuesday

Well it's 4 a.m. And why am I awake you ask? 

Well I woke up because I heard Taggart get up and change his clothes... I knew what that meant ... He had an accident... So I hesitantly feel the sheets next to me :( yep I was right . Luckily I was not wet

 ( yes that has happened before ) and it wasn't that bad...So I got up and to get a towel and went to see where Tag had went ... Well here's what I found 

Taggart has always been a snuggle bug and likes to sleep right next to someone ... Hunter is only allowing it because he's already asleep ;) 

So after that I throw the towel over the wet spot ( yes I'm that lazy plus Kole is asleep still in the bed ) and as I go to climb in on the opposite side I hear a Big Bang and my bed frame falls off of the risers I have it on .... Yep .. So one side of the bed is on the ground and it's too heavy and too much work to do alone .... So now I am laying on the couch ... My bed is broken and wet from pee ... This is my reality . 

Happy Tuesday . 

Time out

I have officially put my self in time out .... My feet (hands and mouth) are all hurting .... I have a headache and project runway is on so because of that the kids have decided to rebel and cause complete insanity. 

Because of the sores in my mouth I wanted to have some soup for dinner so Chinese it was . Well when the delivery girl showed up I walked outside and there were my kids ... Half naked and covered in dirt and marker.... She looked at me in my mismatched outfit and wet hair and homely looking children and literally started to laugh ... 

I made the kids wash their hands and eat their dinner ..... Somehow as I was cleaning up dinner they managed to take every blanket and pillow in the entire house and completely blocked the hallway .... After making them clean that up it was time for baths .... 

I had already given Kole 2 today so he was crying because I wouldn't let him get in .... I had to fight with Taggart because he was being his normal "ninja " self and having a dance battle with himself in the family room and is really good at ignoring me ... Finally he got in and after two inches of water on the floor later it was time for him to get out and Hunter to get in ... After calling for him 300 times I went into his room and said "didn't you hear me ? " He starts crying and says "my ears are hurt and not working" haha not true but I appreciated the drama and the effort ... So then he finally gets in after telling me that I am the worst mom and that I am a B-R-A-T yes he spells it not says it .,... 

I go to get the pjs to find my bed completely off of the little risers that I have it on .... And that's when I just had enough ... Before I completely lost it I decided to just put myself on timeout , grabbed a Dr. Pepper and started venting on here. 

I just find it so interesting that we have to fight our kids to get in the bath just to turn around and beg them to get out! I order Chinese which they love but they somehow forget the fried shrimp and send eggrolls instead and somehow it's my fault :/ 

Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done ... I would like to think I am doing a good job , but sometimes it's easy to get overwhelmed . 

But then there are the moments like Kole thinking the Victoria Secret model on the tv was me because In his words "you beautiful " .

It's feeling proud while practicing spelling words Hunter got them all right .... 

It's watching Taggart give Kole a piggy back and talking "baby talk" to him ...

As much as they make me want to scream and cry they make me want to scream and cry for joy as well.... They are good , smart and handsome boys who love me unconditionally .... And I am lucky. 

So I think I feel better ... Thanks for reading ... Love to you all ... I'm going to finish Project runway and go to bed :)

Goodnight 

"Water Bugs "

I'm not sure if any of you have seen the VINE talking about "Waterbugs" which are big sunglasses that block the haters http://youtu.be/EE_UHIwc-38 

But unfortunately that's not the kind in talking about... I am obviously in the tub because I'm blogging ... And as I lay here relaxed I look down to see an actual Waterbug... Well floating potato bug to be exact ... I was not afraid ... Just disgusted . It's not like I'm outside in a hot tub or pool .. I'm supposed to be cleaning my body , not washing in bug juice . 

But let's be honest . All I did was scoop it out and threw it in the toilet. I could've gotten out , drained the water and started over but honestly "ain't nobody got time for that" 

So here I soak , in a warm bath of potato bug infested water. 

This is my reality. And I accept it.

Hopefully my problems help you appreciate your lack of bug infested baths. :) haha   It could always be worse .... It could always be worse ... It could always be worse ..... 

Until next bath..... Goodnight😘 

This day stinks 🐷

Well I am blogging so I'm sure you can guess where I am :) 🛀 ..... Now done get me wrong , I have showered since I last blogged . I think ? 

Today was just one of those terrible horrible no good very bad days at work. I wasn't in a bad mood or mad .... Today just STUNK ... Literally . I think every patient had something smelly to share. My nose , and eyes were quite overwhelmed . 

Luckily I work with some of my very best friends who make it all worth while. It's so comforting to be able to come out of a room and know that Brit and Dr. Foot are thinking , feeling and smelling the same way. 

After the work was done and the messes cleaned up Brit and I headed off to see a house that was for rent . Well that smelled worse than any patient.... I almost puked. So needless to say I went home with a headache . 

After laying around with the kids , making dinner and all that jazz , I am finally laying in a semi warm bath... I guess the kids used all the hot water .... Kole is throwing a fit wanting to get back in as I type. He thinks he can only play with the shark and dolphin if he is actually in the bath. Seriously , where's his imagination ? 😉

Luckily for all of us , there is no school tomorrow ... I am looking forward to a morning for us all to sleep in ... It's those tender mercies that keep this momma sane. 

 So all in all this day wasn't great , but it's over , and I survived ..... But this water is cold so I better get back to reality . Tomorrow is going to be awesome . Right? 

 

"This pig stanks" -Honey Boo Boo 

"See ya in 2"

Well today it finally happened ... We dropped Elder Gooch off at the MTC ... I can't believe it will be 2 years before I will get to hug him again . Words cannot express how much I love him and how proud I am of this decision he has made. I know this experience will not only change the lives if those he goes to teach but also his life will be changed . I know that he will be an amazing missionary and will bring so much light and laughter . Even though it was hard watching my mom be sad , I was happy to see Hudson have a huge smile in his face and his eagerness to get things started.  

I gave him a coin with a four leaf clover on it and gave each one of us a matching charm ... So that when we see them we will think of eachother . So "good luck Huck " Is the motto of this new journey we are on ... 

As you can see I am not posting many of all of us together ... That's simply because we were all disgusted at our appearance and promised Hudson that we would all be 25 pounds lighter when he gets back .... 

Life is "RUFF"

As I step out of the shower to grab my towel... This is what I got 

I was going to switch and get another one but I couldn't resist giving it a try... As a mom , we don't have our own space or stuff or anything private ... What's mine is theirs what's theirs is theirs ... So I decided to get even and use this very "NOT MINE " towel :) 

Speaking of this ..... My boys also decided that my shoe rack (that I bought to try and be more organized ) and I guess they thought the rods would make really awesome light sabers instead

Only one lone shoe remains .... 

I know I complain and I know I should maybe even be more strict about "my space " but I suck at saying no and I never want them to feel like they can't be in my room. I'm sure that will have to change if I ever find someone ... Unless they too like sharing their room with 3 boys ,pregnant cat and a farting dog :) My life is completely crazy and sometimes I want to pull my hair out (it's not growing anyways 😞) but at the end of the day my kids make me who I am and I love sharing my stuff with the people I love. 

I'm noticing a theme here ....

Well... Here I am again, blogging from the tub. Today was pretty ok.... We are all alive , homework is done , I made dinner and semi cleaned it up... Kids seem happy and I am not crying .... So all in all I would consider it a win.

So much has happened this past week .... I have done some 🎶wishin and hopin and thinkin and prayin plannin and dreamin🎶 (Name that show) 

And have come to the conclusion that I am going to be fine..... My dear sweet and loving friend Brit and I had such an awesome experience on her moms anniversary of her passing. We had a really special and spiritual day and had our eyes opened to a lot of things. 

She is single as well , and we can really feed into eachother when it comes to how "lonely" we are and when is life going to get easier . We talk about what we "could be " and how a relationship would somehow fix everything . It would make us whole.... It would give us drive and would validate our efforts ..... But that day everything changed ... We realized that WE are I'm charge of our own happiness and WE make ourselves whole and validated .  If we do not love ourselves who is going to love us? We will find ourselves in relationships where we are filling a void instead of adding to our happiness . We need to be happy and in love with our lives before anyone worth having will want to be in it. 

I was I'm such a bad place leading up to that day .... I was mad , mad at my life , mad at my situation , mad that I had these cards delt to me.... But that day and the experiences we had changed my outlook. It felt like a giant weight had been lifted . I felt lighter ( even though the scale at the doctor shows that I have obviously been turning to food for love ) , happier and most of all more appreciative for the things I do have . 

I am a mother , daughter , granddaughter , sister and friend . I love my job and the people I work with ... I forget sometimes in my own little pity party that is may be the person helping someone else's day , and I need to be string and remember my worth. 

I received the sweetest text from a friend of mine ... I'm not sharing to brag but to show the impact we have on people... 

-Just wanted to tell you how much I admire you. . You can always lighten up even the shittiest day..and I don't even think you realize what an impact directly or indirectly you make. .

Tears filled my eyes when I read that . I did not need a man for validation , I didn't need a man to be loved and cherished . I have so many people around me that "complete" me in more ways than I could ever imagine . I am so blessed .

Well I hate to interrupt the sappy post, but as we speak the boys are crawling past the now OPEN bathroom door (someone HAD to pee ..... All over the freshly cleaned toilet seat grrrr.... ) thinking they are hilarious and sneaky ... Apparently seeing your mom naked (I do now wear a washrag to cover myself up ) is funny and way more entertaining than the tv show that's on. 

So many family members know this story but I have to share it on here .... A few years ago , I think the boys were like 3 and 4 ... I was taking a shower . In our old house (where my bathroom had outlets unlike my current one ) I had a big huge nice walk in shower with glass doors.... I once again had an audience and Hunter said "mom I like your hair" and I responded Thank you that's so sweet .... And then little Taggart thought for a minute then said "mom I like your boobs" hahahahaha

I about died laughing.... Kids say and do the funniest things but that will forever be one of my favorites and I'm sure his future girlfriends will love to hear about it ;) so at the end of the day , even though I almost puked when seeing my body in the mirror ... Even though my kids are crazy and never stop wrestling and chasing , even though I am a single mom and poor as a mouse ..... I am loved and appreciated more than I know and that is good enough for me :) 

Blonde moment if the day is me sending this picture to my friend Gina who brought this back from MN for me with the words " I ❤️Beaver " ..... Come to find out that cute little mascot is actually a gopher :) oops 😁 

Let's talk about LIPS

I am trying to be a little bolder with my lip color this fall... Not going to lie , I'm a little nervous . Any suggestions about what brands , Colors to avoid or love....all suggestions are welcome .

Get out of your shell and try something new ! 

"When you wish upon a star"

This quote describes me in so many ways ... I am a wisher , a lover of quotes and songs ... And believe that I deserve the best and am willing to be patient and work hard to get it . The one thing that I disagree with though is the wasted wishes ...even though not everything we "want" or wish for turns out to be what we thought it would does not mean it was a waste of a wish ... Or effort ... It taught us something... It made us stronger , smarter , bolder and sometimes those missed wishes are because we are destined for something greater .... 

Listening to my brother speak in sacrament today I realized that if we want something ... We have to work for it . We will never learn unless we are trying , and we will never succeed if we wait to be given the prize . 

I am so proud of him and the man he has become . He is such a great example to our family and is so full of life and love. He's funny and handsome and has a testimony if the church . He is chosing to serve The Lord for all the right reasons and I cannot wait to hear all the things he learns along the way. 

Even though I am older than him I look up to him for so many reasons . He doesn't judge , he's a friend to all .. And he has a big heart. I am proud to call him my brother . I love you Huck .... Thank you for always being there for me . My boys love you so much and they are your biggest fans. 

Here we go again....

All the kids were in their rooms watching a movie so I saw it as the perfect opportunity to take a relaxing bath.... THE SECOND I step my foot in the water ..... It all begins .... 

It's like I set off an alarm ..!!! Alert alert your mother is about to do something for herself!!!

Within minutes , Kole is invading my bath and insisting on playing cars in the water. 

Taggart is hungry and is rolling around in the hall whining .... Then to top it all off Hunter needs to take a crap.... Yep, a crap. Remember we have 1 bathroom ... So instead of smelling the relaxing lavendar oils I put in the bath ... I get to smell him:) 

All I can do is laugh while plugging my nose:) 

It could be worse ... Right? 

Seriously someone tell me a worse sinerio ;) 

The life of a mother is not always a glamorous one , but I'm always entertained . 

"Depends" on how you look at it...

I guess you can say I really get into my work.... After spilling formalin all over myself by accident I had only a few options ...

 Scrubs were easy to find but underwear , not so easy... But then , I remembered that we had adult diapers . I could've went commando but that just wasn't as funny (and kinda gross in a work environment ) so on the diaper went .... You could hear me coming (swishing ) from a mile away ... My butt was even larger than normal ... And it just was bit very comfortable . 

But it made us all laugh and made me sympathetic for all those people that have to actually wear these things!!! 

So like I said ... It "depends " on how you look at it. Yes I looked ridiculous but it made me laugh ... And that's all that matters . :) plus ... Nascar drivers wear them!!!!

Believe

Well.... I survived another Monday . I have so much to be grateful for , my kids , my family , my friends , my job. I am alive and only semi old, my body is in ok condition (notice I didnt say shape) and I can still laugh. 

Laughing is the only way I know things are going to be ok. If there ever comes a day when someone cannot make me laugh then I will know I'm surely dead. 

I think I may not have grieved my divorce properly because for some reason I feel like I am feeling all those emotions now. I feel like I was trying so hard to be strong for my kids and keep myself busy ... That I think I forgot to just let myself be sad. Divorce is like a death , you lose something and someone ... It takes a piece if you with it and I'm feeling that void now. 

I know that I will be ok and that I will survive , I feel my kids are happy and have accepted their new "reality". I think now that I am not so worried about them it has finally sunk in how sad I really am. 

I know it was for the best .. It's just still hard to swallow. 8 years of marriage is a long time ... 10 years of loving someone is hard to accept that it was all over . 

But it is ... And I'm alive ... Even though sometimes it doesn't feel like it. 

But I believe something wonderful is going to happen ... Someday ;) 

But until then I'll just keep laughing through life ...

Music to my ears

If there was one talent I wish I possessed it would be musical talent . I wish I could just play the piano or guitar and sing .... I think music has an incredible healing power and I can only imagine the power actually playing the instrument and not just pressing play would have on me ... Today I wanted to just throw in the towel , quit, run away, just go back to bed . I couldn't stop the tears ... I let myself have a total pitty party. I let all my hurt , my disappointments , my frustration and my anger all come to the surface . The main reason I was able to do that was because of music . Certain songs brought up different emotions , some songs felt like they were written just for me which gave me comfort knowing that someone out there knows how I feel. Life  is hard , I hate the unknown , I just want to press fast forward and find my happiness again . I know it's possible ... I just couldn't fake a smile today and that's ok ,.. It will be back tomorrow ... I think I needed today ... 

Never cry over spilled milk

They always say , never cry over spilled milk... But today 3 broken eggs sent me into tears .

 I had this whole plan to wake up with a positive attitude  but I guess those vibes slept in .... You know the Shania Twain song "Man I feel like a Woman?" Well it's that kind of day .... 

I am determined to turn it around somehow ... I usually turn to food when I'm feeling this way , but am going to try taking a walk (without the cat this time) ... 

Wish me luck again haha 

"Try a little harder to be a little better "

I am guilty of each night running through my quick "thank you" list in my prayers and on to my questions and concerns .... I believe that our Heavenly Father hears us and grants us the blessings he sees fit. I find comfort in the scripture Proverbs 3:5-6"Trust in The Lord with all thine heart and lean not onto thine own understanding . In all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths" 

This path I'm on has been pretty rough,I know he has a plan for me and I have faith that he is directing me through my trials and blessings . 

I'm going to try to look more at the positive side of things and rely on my faith , family and friends to help keep me hopeful . :) I'm sure we could all "try a little harder to be a little better " gbh 

And that's what I intend to do ! 

Xoxoxo -Whit

Smile

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying? 

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying? 

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

We went on a little family walk and that dang cat had to join us :) seriously this cat is not normal . I can only imagine the looks we got walking down the road with 3 boys a dog and then a cat.... Let's just say it was a short walk , too many people to keep out of the road ... Oh and couldn't get a pic that we all looked cute in .. That is chocolate pop tart on Kole and Taggarts faces ! 

The reason I posted this song is because today has been a hard day to smile .... But having my boys with me makes everything better . 

Expectations

I have been struggling with this so much in my life .... I am always getting my hopes up just to be let down. But what I have realized is that I set my expectations  too high ... I get ahead of myself , I put too much into some things and I get my feelings involved too quickly .... So I am really going to focus on setting realistic goals on things that I have control of , I cannot change the way people feel about me , I can't make someone want to be with me but I can work on being happy with myself .... Dating nowadays is waaaaayyyy different than it was 10 years ago . I think I'm going to have to buy and read "he's just not that into you" so I can help myself stay away from trouble :) wish me luck ... I may just be alone forever . 

We may not have it all together ...

So I survived another event that we as mothers all dread.... Not childbirth , not "that time of the month " or even sick children .... I survived FAMILY PICTURES! 

 I like most of us spent so much time trying to find the perfect outfit , shoes , hair , location. Blah blah blah 

Well the day finally arrived yesterday and getting myself ready was only 1/4 of the battle .... Chasing around 3 little boys and trying not to let them get dirty while trying to convince 3 adult brothers if mine that yes they did need to participate , all while trying not to sweat off my makeup. 

Somehow we pulled it together and besides Kole being a cry baby and Taggart being obsessed with smashing leaves and Hunter grasshopper hunting ... I think things went quite well. After it was all over I just had a huge sense of relief. We did it. 

    I want to admit that earlier that day I was pretty upset. I was sad because this was the first Family picture without Matt...  It was one of those Reality checks , this was my reality ... Just me and my boys. 

Well after the pics were done I just couldn't help but feel sooooo much better. I have such an amazing , kind and funny family who love me and my kids so much . They help me and help pick up the slack and I will never forget that. I am so proud of being a mother to my sweet boys and love that they are mine . 

I think we all put so much emphasis on what the picture looks like rather than who's in it with us. We planned these pictures because my brother Hudson is leaving on his mission... We felt like we had to do it. But what a treasure it will be for our future children and grandchildren to see where their family tree began . 

I love taking pictures ( those that know me know that ) I love them because they capture a moment ... Whenever you look at them it brings back that very emotion that you felt when it was taken . I hope that dork now on I can view family pictures like that as well.... Although my little family isn't "traditional" or what I would have planned for myself, it's mine and I'm proud . 

So although I felt like it may look like something was missing I realized that the only thing missing was me enjoying the moment . 

The kids might be crying , my hair might have looked weird... But at the end of the day that's my life .... "We may not have it all together but together we have it all" 

So to all you other parents out there stressing about getting the perfect portrait hopefully you remember what's most important is who you are in it with :) 

Ps a big shoutout to Shannon Elizabeth Photography for making the experience that much more memorable :) she is amazing at what she does and I can't wait to see them !!! 

Embrace Your Imperfections

I think we all struggle with something we don't like about ourselves physically . I'm sure we all have things that if given the chance we would change. I was watching tv and it was showing people that are obsessed with plastic surgery , it got me thinking about what I would change about myself and the sad part was it wasn't hard at all for me to start spouting off things I was unhappy with..... Take the fat from here and tuck this there ... Contour this and fill out that... I started to feel like if I could change almost everything then I would. One thing that I feel is getting worse and bothers me in pictures for sure are my "smile lines" around my eyes . I can't hide those under a pair of spanx or go a size up ... Everyone sees your face and I felt like mine had some major flaws . So I got onto Pinterest (duh) and started looking for ways to get rid of those dang crows feet that I am waaaayyy too young to have ;) As I scrolled through the pics I saw a quote that caught my wrinkly eye...

It hit me so hard. I just felt like it was exactly what I needed to see... I would like to think that I've smiled a lot in my life ... Laughing is my favorite and I guess I have the proof on my face :) It also made me think about the other things I don't like about myself ... My cheeks although huge and chipmunk like are one of the things people say make me look youthful (which I will appreciate more as time goes on) . My huge wrinkled forehead although not my best feature is something I inherited from my Grandpa Wells who I love and miss so much ... My stretch marks are from becoming a mother to 3 beautiful boys who I love more than anything . My big butt and legs are one of the only things I share in common with my mom and sister ;) so I will embrace them as well.

Now I'm not saying that self improvement is bad , I know I could use some serious exercise , but my point is to love the things that make you YOU! It's easier said than done but I believe it's all in the way you look at life ... You can chose to be positive and lead with a positive attitude , or you can be your own hurdle and focus in the negative . I personally am going to strive to put my best foot forward and focus on the good and the blessings I have in my life. I am healthy I am kind and I have a genuine smile that has created lines to prove it!!!!!! I am beautiful because I am happy and happy girls are the prettiest 💋

Patience is a Virtue

I cannot even express how perfect this quote is to me right now ... I struggle so much with being patient . I am very impulsive , I know what I want and if I see it I go for it. Now sometimes that's a good quality but in some ways it's bad . I have had many "regretful purchases " because in the moment I felt it was the coolest thing ever and then realize later I paid too much or actually didn't even need it. Sometimes being impulsive helps me make a fool of myself , I don't get embarrassed easily and will do almost anything to make people laugh, but once again that can lead to those moments of "did I really do that?" Haha ... I like every mother struggle with patience with my kids. I would like to think I do pretty good considering how crazy 3 boys can be , but I can definitely improve in that area. I do know that I'm in no hurry for them to grow up and I try to just love them being little:) 

The thing I struggle most with being patient about is just finding stability and love again. I have been "alone" for over a year now and I still feel like at times I am no further in life . I know being 28 I shouldn't be having such a hard time adapting to life on my own but since I got married so young I have always had someone to lean on and depend on . So this year has really taught me to be more responsible , more independent and smarter about decisions I make . I am a dreamer and a wisher and always wonder where I'll be in 5 years ... Have I met my future husband ? Does he even exist? Will I always struggle with money? Will I ever have more children? Those along with 4500000 more questions go through my mind daily... My goal is to obviously be a great mother and raise them to be gentlemen and successful in life , but I also know that one day they will grow up and find wives and lives of their own . I know that I don't want to wait until they are gone to find someone to share my life with. I want a relationship with someone I can grow old with, who loves me and cherishes me . So that being said I'm sure you see my dilemma with being patient:) but like the quote said , I have learned sooooo much about myself through this process , I have realized so many things about what I do and don't want in life and what I want I'm a partner . I believe that I am a better stronger and more intelligent woman because of the trials I've been through. I believe I will be a better wife if that ever happens because of what I've learned. Love is something I will never take for granted again , I know that patience is the only way I can achieve this goal .. I'm thankful for loving friends and family that help keep me company and let me know when I'm rushing into things :) I am excited and anxious for my "future " but am trying to enjoy and learn from the process.... After all , you can't rush something you want to last forever, and a forever love  is exactly what I want. 

So ............Mr. Perfect hurry up and find me ;) hahah 

no seriously I am making a goal to just focus on improving myself and hopefully when the time is right everything will fall in place . Fingers crossed .:) 

Tinder-Ella

This my friends is what the dating pool looks like .... So if you are thinking the grass is greener ... Think again. 

I decided to recreate my favorite ones ... 

I still don't understand why I'm single ;)